That's right! I'm below 300 lbs. The last time the number on the scale started with a 2 was at least in my Junior Year... in HIGH SCHOOL. The only reason I remember that is that the summer between my Junior and Senior year in High School, we went to the Smoky Mountains to see family, and we went Horseback riding. You had to be under 300 lbs. to go horseback riding, and I was like 320. So, I lied and said that I was 300. So, I am at/below my high school weight. :D
I know I mentioned this in the post before, and I've now mentioned it in a few of these posts. But let me explain why I keep saying that yes, I'm having the surgery, and why I keep reiterating that I don't want you to try and talk me out of it.
Yes, I know that the diet I'm on is strict. But it's not a diet. It's a lifestyle. I'm not going to go back to the way I used to eat. That's not how this works. I'm not going to loosen what I eat, down that path leads madness. I'm not going to stop fighting for every inch, every pound, until I'm healthy, and where I want/need to be. And yes, need is the word that works there.
Someone just this morning was complimenting me on how well I'm doing, and asked me if I still needed the surgery, and said that she thought I didn't. She also said that my goal weight (which is 150#... it's just a number I made up in my head, and it's not something that I'm sticking to, since I don't know if I'll look sick at that weight... for me, this is not a number thing, but a health thing) she thinks I'll look sick. While that's great, and I know she was going for a pep talk, that kind of talk doesn't really help me. If anything it hurts.
I know that I've chosen a hard path. I know that I've chosen something that most people wouldn't choose. I know that I've done so well so far too. But why does that kind of talk hurt? Well, as soon as I got back to my office, I texted my husband, in tears, and asked if I was doing the right thing by going with the surgery. And of course, it's not something that he could give a definitive answer on. It's not his choice. It's not his body. I explained to him that I'm worried about the money/time we'd lose if we didn't need this surgery. What was his response? The absolute perfect thing I needed to hear.
Time is what I'll lose if I don't do the surgery and I DO need it.
And he's absolutely right. I've said it before. I'm fighting for my life right now. Literally. Years of my life are going to be taken away if I don't get healthy. Years. And I don't want to lose them. What am I going to lose time-wise if I have the surgery? A week or so off work. A few days of having to leave early for doctor's appointments. That's it. What's that compared to YEARS? So, PLEASE. The next time you think about asking me if I still need the surgery? Don't. I need it. I want to live my life with my family happily and healthy.
~♥~
Lady D
