Ok, so, no one is infallible. I can honestly say that I slipped big for the first time last night. I was baking red velvet cakes for a co-worker's birthday, and after I was done frosting them, I ate some of the leftover frosting. Like... two cooking tablespoons worth. Frosting is totally a trigger food for me. I'm not going to lie. I used to buy containers of frosting, and eat them over a period of days. Just literally take a spoon and eat some frosting. The thing that depresses me about last night is that I had just looked at the label, and exclaimed over the fact that two tablespoons of frosting has 22g of sugar in it! And, KNOWING that, I still ate some. After that, I threw the rest away, and felt really sick. And that, kids, is what happens when you don't have sugar for almost 3 months, and then decide to consume an entire day's worth in two small bites. -.- However, I'm not letting it get me down. Today is a new day, and I'm back on track. It's the only thing I can be. And If I were to try that stunt after surgery? I'd feel a lot more than sick. What do I mean? I'm talking about dumping syndrome, boys and girls. I'll get into that a little later in my post.
So, I know that I did a post here about the scariness of surgery. But I don't know if I really conveyed the severity of the surgery. This is not a small surgery by any means. Here is a video of the surgery. DO NOT WATCH IT IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH! This is actual surgical footage, from the camera they use while they're performing the surgery. There is not a whole lot of blood or anything, but you do see someone's stomach and intestines, which some people would find pretty graphic. I found it cool.
Surgery can be a scary thing for some people. I'm literally surrounded by it all day. Hell, I work for a heart surgeon's office. The surgeries that they perform are a lot bigger and scarier than anything I'll face on the operating table when it's my turn. But still, any surgery carries with it its risks. To be honest, I'm not scared of my surgery anymore. I have an amazing surgeon, and I trust her. But I don't want anyone who reads my blog to think that this surgery is a little thing. They're literally going into your abdominal cavity, and rearranging your guts.
So, anyone who says this is the Easy way out? Easy? Really? Watch that video, and you tell me it's easy. Not to mention that anyone who has the RNY/Gastric Bypass will literally be facing a struggle with malnutrition the rest of their lives. A struggle to make sure that they're getting enough water, and vitamins, and protein every. Single. Day. Not to mention what can happen if you slip up. So, that donut is calling your name, eh? So, you eat a few bites. All of a sudden, you feel sweaty and clammy at the same time. Your heart is racing. You're running to the bathroom. Pleasant, eh? That, ladies and gentlemen is dumping syndrome. It's something that can happen after surgery. So, easy? No. Necessary? Yes.
I had a dream last night that it was surgery day. I was checked into the hospital, and sitting in the holding room for surgery. Already in my gown, my hair netted, ready to go in. And I was excited, and anxious, and just, yes, a little scared. Scared of the surgery? No. As I said, I've come to terms with the surgery, and I trust my surgeon. The surgery doesn't scare me. But I've had surgeries before. What am I scared of? The pain. The pain that comes after surgery. I'm hoping to be up and walking shortly after surgery so that I hopefully don't develop the horrible gas bubble that will develop from them inflating my stomach cavity. It can apparently settle in your shoulders and neck and be EXTREMELY uncomfortable. So, walking, I already know from my support groups is key. I'm also kind of afraid because I know I'll be alone at the hospital. My husband will drop me off, and depending on what time my surgery is, maybe stay through surgery until I wake up. But after that, he'll have to leave to go get our daughter. I know that he'll be there the next day (he's taking a week off with me for surgery), and that I'm not going to get much sleep that night anyways, since I have to be up every two hours doing a lap around the unit (to help prevent blood clots), but still. Oh well.
I'm only planning on taking a week off from work for surgery/recovery. I think that that will be plenty of time. My other fear is my daughter. She's 17 months right now. She'll be around 21 months when I have the surgery. But I don't know if she'll be able to climb into the car and her car seat by that time. I won't be allowed to lift for at least two weeks after surgery. But I'll be the one picking her up from daycare that second week. I'm not sure what I'm going to do if she can't get into her car seat. Hopefully she'll be able to. It's something we're going to have to start working on I guess. :/
Anyways, sorry for the long post. This is what happens when you start thinking late at night, and decide to post about it. :)
~♥~
Lady D
