**Comments are turned off for this post due to the sensitive nature of the post**
So, life is hard. I know! What a shock, right?!
Something I haven't talked about a lot yet is the hard times. I was going back through my blog, and as I was reading it, I was like... wow, I sound like I'm really handling this well. And honestly, the diet part of this process, I am indeed handling well. But the psychological side is tough sometimes. I get inside my head a lot, and I just don't want to talk to anyone or see anyone. Mainly, when I do this, I'm thinking about... what if this doesn't work? What if I go through all this, and it just... doesn't work for me? I mean, the logical part of my brain of course tells me that it already IS working, since I've lost almost 30 lbs. so far. I also know that post-op, I will indeed lose a lot of weight. A LOT of weight. So, yes, logically I know it will work. But there's a part of me that's scared that it won't. Not that I'll go back to my old eating habits or anything like that, just that, I'll do all of this, and I won't lose the weight.
Another part is, I'm a little afraid of losing so much weight. I know that inside I'll be the same, but, what if I don't like the new me? I was actually getting to a point in my life where I was ok with the way I looked. I was ok with my body shape and type. And then, since my health was going downhill, I had to make this change. So, as I said, what if I don't like the new me? Don't worry, I'm not going to change my mind about going through this for that reason. It's just something my mind turns to.
Now, I'm not like this all the time, or even a majority of the time. But, I do get this way. And it's tough. It's really tough. Honestly, what I usually do when I get like this is go take a "melt your face off" (my husband's term) shower, and just get back into a good headspace. Or, I have him hold me, or, we take a walk, or play a video game, or, I play with my daughter. I do something to get my mind on other things. This process is definitely a life altering process. And it's something they don't want you going into lightly. That's why they have you take a MINIMUM of 3 classes with the dietitian, and they have you meet with a psychologist. My program also has a clinical social worker on staff to help if you need it as well. They literally want you to succeed.
It's good as well, knowing that I have such an awesome tight-knit support group in my family and friends. I have so many people that want to see me succeed with this... it helps. A lot. I love you all for it. *e-hug*
So, just remember, please, if this is a journey that you are on, or considering, that as upbeat as I sometimes seem on here, it's not all sunshine and rainbows for me either. This is the fight of my life. It is literally the hardest thing I've done to date... But it's going to be totally worth it in the end. And if this IS something that you're on or considering, and something you too are dealing with, comment on a different post, or PM me on facebook, or Text me, or smoke signal me. ;) I'd be a sympathetic ear, or a shoulder to cry on if you need it. You're not alone.
~♥~
Lady D
