Body Image Issues and Surgery (Ladies especially please read this!!!)

***WARNING: THERE IS A PICTURE OF MY SAGGY BELLY SKIN IN THIS POST...***

So, I've been having some body image issues for several days in a row now. I have a LOT of excess skin in my belly, arm, and thighs. My breasts are also saggy now. But surgery, without insurance help is going to be around $20,000... which I can't afford. But, my husband and I have started talking about it, and we're going to slowly start saving up our $2,000/year Health Reimbursement Account to help pay for some of the surgeries. I'll just have to deal with my dysmorphia until then. And I honestly know that that's what a lot of this is... body dysmorphia. But there's not a whole lot I can do about it.

I posted this picture in my surgery group's facebook page since we were talking about skin. I am bending over in this pic, but this is what made me realize that my belly area is NOT fat! It's SKIN. If you're grossed out by this, a- you're on the WAY wrong page, and b- I DID warn you at the beginning of the post.

Cool thing about that pic? That's a real thigh gap. I was not standing with my legs spread farther apart than normal. Cool, eh?

So, I haven't really talked super openly about this next part, but I guess it's something that needs to be said as well. So, as I mentioned above, I have saggy boobs now. At my annual OB/GYN Appointment, my OB noticed that I have fibrocystic breast tissue... aka, I have lumpy breasts. This is a very common thing post weight-loss surgery, or major weight loss. Also, I have dense breast tissue, which can hide tumors. So, she wanted to send me for a "baseline mammogram." Something that she was sure would come out normal, but something that we could look at in the future and gauge my breasts. So, I went for the mammo. I could tell something came back funny, because when the tech did my left breast (the same breast my OB paused on), she started talking about me most likely getting called back for a second mammo, and not to worry, it's just that they don't have anything to compare it to, ect.

Well, sure enough, I get called back for a second mammogram. And they tell me how that process is going to go. They're going to take some pictures of my left breast because I have "asymmetrical breast tissue," and then show it to the radiologist. And if he decides he wants to see more, he'll send me for an ultrasound, and if they wanted more from that, or if they found something, they would do a biopsy. The tech was playing this off, because she thought it was going to be nothing. She even asked me: "You're 31, you have no family history of breast cancer, why did you even get the first mammo?" To which I explained. So, she took me in, did my couple of pictures, and then had me sit and wait in the dressing room while she showed the radiologist the pictures. It was a few minutes, and she came back saying he wanted me to have an ultrasound.

On to the ultrasound room we went. Well, again, she was saying she was going to look at the area, probably wouldn't even need to take some pictures, but if she did, she'd show them to the radiologist, and see what he said. Sure enough, a few moments of her looking, and she's taking pictures. She takes the pictures into the radiologist, and literally less than a minute later, he's in the room because he wants to look himself. And then they said what I DID NOT want to hear. They found an abnormal tumor that they are EXTREMELY concerned about, and they want to do a biopsy to make sure it's not cancer.

They did the biopsy about 10 minutes later, and a little less than a week later, I had the results. The way they were all acting, I really thought I had cancer. Well, I don't... maybe. I have what's called a "Granular Cell Tumor," which is a very rare (1 in 1000 tumors found are GCT's) type of usually benign tumor (only 1-2% of GCT's are cancerous). They recommended I go see a surgical breast oncologist to have it removed.

Fast forward two weeks. I'm meeting with one of the breast surgeons. To explain my tumor as he did: Since he's been practicing he's only seen 2-3 of these. When tumors are found, they're on a scale like this... cancer-somewhere in between-not cancer. Guess where I fall? Somewhere in between. He said he's not super concerned, since my biopsy results came back benign, but it's a 1cm tumor, and the biopsy only takes such a small area that it's just best to remove it.

So, next Wednesday, I'm undergoing out patient surgery to have the tumor removed. It's a two-part procedure, the first part, where they place the guide wire, I'll be awake for. The second part, where they actually remove the tumor, I'll be asleep for. I'm a little nervous about the first part, mainly because the biopsy hurt like a bitch... I didn't tell the doc to give me more lidocaine because I just thought it was supposed to hurt. After she took 5 samples, she figured it out though, and dosed me again. Smart lady. I didn't feel it the second time she was in there. My friend is driving me to the surgery center since my husband has to drop the midget off at daycare, but then he's hoping to be at the surgery center before I go back for the guide wire placement at 8am. Oh... best part? My sister's wedding is the day before, and I'm not planning on being home from that until around 1am. :D I figure I'm going to be sleeping all day anyways, so, who needs sleep the night before? LOL. The actual surgery is scheduled for 10am.

Doc said we'll know fore sure the results about a week after removal, but, again, none of us are really concerned at this point, which is why I'm talking about it. The whole point is that ladies, PLEASE do your self-breast exams. I know your breasts are changing, but, obviously, I, who was not paying attention to my breasts, could've had a much bigger issue on my hands. This journey allowed us to find this tumor, and hells yes, I'm going to be doing my monthly exams. Pick a day of the month (the TV station in Toledo, OH, where I'm originally from is channel 11. One of their anchors had breast cancer, and they always played a little piece by her on the 11th of the month to remind you to do a self breast exam) and do your exam every month. Guys, don't think you're exempt from this! While more rare for men, breast cancer CAN happen. Do it too! Ok, PSA over. I hope you all are having a wonderful week after our holiday weekend!! :)

~♥~
Lady D

More "Pizza" and a new Drink Stick...

Well, new to me. So, I was at Walmart yesterday, which is where I do my drink sticks from (think Crystal-Light on the go). I usually get the Great Value Blackberry lemonade, or, when they still had it (If you're a higher up at Walmart, PLEASE bring this back!!!) the Tangerine Grapefruit, but they didn't have my Blackberry Lemonade yesterday. So, I saw that Hawaiian Punch had drink sticks that were Sugar Free. Can I just say NOM?!?!?!? It literally tastes like drinking Hawaiian Punch. After my first sip, I had to go back and look again to make sure they WERE sugar free, because they sure as heck don't taste sugar free. But yes, they indeed are! I can't find any links for the original Fruit Punch flavor Sugar Free, but here's a link for the Orange Sugar free ones. My local Walmart had a pack of 8 for $1. And I WILL be buying them again.

So, I promised a picture of my Chicken Sausage pizza, and here's the one I made last night. It's Sharp Cheddar and Pepperjack cheeses mixed for the base/top, and Meijer Cheddar Jalapeno Chicken Sausages. Then I served with some Great Value Cantina Salsa.

And yes, it DID taste as good as it looks. :D

So, over the weekend I threw my back out of whack, and yesterday I went to the chiropractor. I had multiple vertebra wonky which he got, and I thought I had a rib out... which the alignment SHOULD HAVE fixed. BUT, apparently not. I woke up in tears this morning, and if I move wrong, I see stars. I'm wondering if I didn't seriously pull/tear a muscle (the pain is right between the lower right part of my right breast and my underarm), or crack a rib. It's painful as hell, and hey, since I had bypass, I can only do extra strength Tylenol, which doesn't come close to touching this pain. *sigh* Since I work for thoracic surgeons, I asked one of them to look at it for me, since, you know, they work with ribs on the daily, to see if he thought it was muscular or if I needed to get an x-ray. He said that he didn't feel any "crunch" or anything when I breathed in, so, if it is fractured, it's a small one. No need to get an x-ray- they wouldn't be able to do anything for it anyways. Most likely sprained or pulled a muscle. He said it will probably take two months to heal, and to check with my bariatric surgeon about getting some NSAIDs or other anti-inflammatories... which I already have a call in to them to check. So yeah. Guess I'm going to take it easy for now, and buy a heating pad.

How's your week shaping up so far? :)

~♥~
Lady D

Meatball "Pizza"

So, I don't know if you remember my "Crust-less Pizza" I made when I was really pre-op, but I've made a few moderations to it since I've been post op, and... OMG, this is AWESOME. The one I'm showing today is just one that I've made... it's a "Meatball Pizza." You take 3 Cooked Perfect Frozen turkey or chicken meatballs and microwave them for 45 seconds. Cut them into quarters. Take a small (6-8") skillet, and put barely a layer of low-moisture, part-skim mozzarella cheese in the bottom (just enough to hold the meatballs together). Layer the meatballs in the pan, and sprinkle parmesan cheese, garlic powder, and any Italian spices that you want on there. Finally, top with just enough cheese to cover things. Turn the heat on medium-low, and put a lid on the pan to melt the top of the cheese. Let it cook until the bottom gets brown and crusty. Dip in some marinara or low-sugar pizza sauce.

It's fabulous. I have to share with my kiddo, because a- she loves it, and b- I can almost never finish the full thing by myself. I've also made it with a combination of fiesta blend and pepperjack shredded cheeses, with Cheddar Jalapeno chicken sausages from Meijer. Instead of using Italian spices, I used a little bit of cumin, and I topped with salsa instead of marinara. As I said, FANTASTIC. There are ways to make food awesome.

I also came to realize just the other day that I've never put my updated cauliflower casserole recipe on here... hm... I'll have to get some cheddar cheese and riced cauliflower, and make it to show you. :) Well, that's it for now I think. I hope you are all having a WONDERFUL week! :)

~♥~
Lady D

PSA Post: READ READ READ your Labels!!!!

*sigh* This post for me is a sad one right now, because I'm suffering the consequences. So, I had purchased some super YUMMY turkey hotdogs from... somewhere... Meijer? Walmart? They were Bar S brand. And believe it or not, two of them completely kept me satiated until my next meal. Well, when I was at Walmart the other day, I couldn't find these. So, I bought the Jennie-O brand. Well, I was getting hungry, A LOT after I had two of them this morning. And now I see why. Holy cow! Only 4g protein per. The Bar S brand only has 6g protein per, but for some reason, that keeps me fuller longer. Neither of these are a very good option for a meal, honestly. This is why I need to READ READ READ my labels before I buy things. Plus, the Jennie-O hotdogs didn't cook up like normal hotdogs, and they just don't taste the same. :( Oh well.

I did a much better job over the weekend prepping for my sister's bridal shower luncheon... kind of. So, knowing that she picked Olive Garden, I went and studied their menu and nutritional content, and saw that some of their "healthier" dishes still had 30+g fat in them! Oh no, that just wouldn't do. So, my original plan was to have some salad with a grilled chicken breast. But! I saw that the Pasta Fagioli had only 2g fat in it... and less than 2g sugar. For those of you that haven't been to Olive Garden, the pasta fagioli is basically chili, with some small pasta in it. So, I ordered that. And I picked out the pasta. Well, I did my normal protein bar at 130 after lunch, and then I forgot all about it. As I was driving home, I was getting REALLY hungry. Well, after looking it up, the entire bowl of pasta fagioli only has 8g protein in it. :( So, I popped another protein bar. I ended up with more calories than I probably should have that day: Protein Shake, Protein Bar for breakfast, Pasta Fagioli for lunch, Protein Bar Snack, Protein Bar Snack again, Protein Bar dinner, and then when I got home I had a few fresh strawberries and an apple. So, I guess I could have done much, much worse, but still.

Speaking of Protein Bars, I DID get to try the Wild Berry Creme flavor of PowerCrunch over the weekend. I'm not a fan, honestly. It's got a tang to it at first, which is ok... and it's definitely got a lot of berry flavor, but it's got that whey aftertaste that most bars have that turn me off that no other flavor of PowerCrunch have had to date. I just don't get it. Oh well. Give them a try, let me know what you think. Maybe I'm just crazy. :)

So, since it's Tuesday, I've been trying to keep up with "Transformation Tuesday" on Instagram. I don't do it all the time... mainly if I have a cute outfit on, or I'm having a good body image day (these do not come along super often). Today was one of the days I was indeed having a good body image day, so, here's my latest "Transformation Tuesday" shot...

Yeah... that's what a 181# difference looks like. :)

Btw, guys, (you can't see it in that picture, but...) I know my belly looks kind of funny right now, and I kind of look like I'm pregnant, BUT I'M NOT. So, please. Stop blatantly looking at my belly like you're expecting me to say I'm pregnant. I'm not! It's loose skin, and my remaining fat. Ain't no baby up in there. LOL

~♥~
Lady D

Woohoo!!! And... Cookies?!

So, someone from my Bariatric Surgery group posted a video the other day with "Old Fashioned" Peanut Butter Cookies. Now, I know per MY plan I can't have PB, but, I know that some surgeons don't frown upon it. So, if you're allowed to have PB, this would be a super yummy thing to make. Heck, I'm planning on making these "bari-friendly" for my kid. Who needs all that sugar in regular cookies anyways?

3 Ingredient Old Fashioned PB Cookies

-1 c. All Natural Creamy Peanut Butter
-1 c. Splenda
-1 Egg

-Preheat oven to 350*F
-Mix ingredients together.
-Scoop onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.
-Bake for 6-8 minutes. DO NOT OVERBAKE!

Yup. That's it. How have I never learned this recipe before?! Heck, even if I decided to "Cheat" and have a bite of one, it wouldn't be a HUGE cheat. Chances of me slipping like that after my earlier PB fiasco are slim to none, but, ya know, it's good to have options. :)

So, as for the woohoo? All the weight that I had gained back? Gone. I weighed in yesterday morning at 212 again. This morning I was 213, but, I didn't drink a whole lot of water yesterday, so, that's what I'm blaming that on. So those 8#... yeah... they're gone again. And that's why I've decided to not say "Gone Forever" when talking about the weight I've lost. We all make bad choices. We all slip up. I know several people who've had the surgery, and lost all kinds of weight. And then something happens. Either something in their life, or they let their guard down, or just feel like being "normal" again, and they gain weight back. It can happen. I don't want it to happen, so, I'm going to try to be as good as I can. :)

~♥~
Lady D

Well... it's been a while

Hi guys!!! :)

Sorry that I've been a bit absent lately... My counterpart at work left, and I've taken on her role as well as my own, and with a now super-active two year old at home in the evening, I've not had a whole lot of time to blog. I am still on IG a fair amount, so, for pictures and such, feel free to give me a follow over there (@ladydobz). If you're not into IG, I'll try to do a little better of posting on here. :)

Um, let's see. I guess I'll make this a full disclosure post, and talk about gains. So, I hit my 150# down mark on April 16. My weight loss has slowed WAY the heck down. April 22, I lost another pound. And then? I gained. I gained 8#, and all of a sudden found myself back up to 220#, from 212#. This morning, I weighed myself at 216#, so, it's coming off again, thankfully, but yeah. Scary. So, what made me gain? I think a few things need to be taken into consideration. 1- It's summer. It's hot. I'm eating more pickles, because I'm craving salt. I'm eating a decent amount of pickles. I'm retaining water. 2- It's that time of the month. I always gain 3-5 pounds this time of the month, and then suddenly, they all go away when it's over. Again, water retention/bloating. 3- Things are a bit slow moving in the GI department, if you know what I mean. They're moving, but slowly. 4- I started eating Peanut Butter. This I believe is the biggest factor to the gain. I wasn't sticking to my 1 cooking tsp. of peanut butter. I was up to 2-3 tsps. or sometimes 2 tbsps. of peanut butter a day. And that wasn't good. So, I tossed the rest of my peanut butter in the trash, and I'm getting back on plan. :)

To help combat my sweet cravings, I had my husband buy me some SF Jell-O pudding cups. They're cold, refreshing, and hey, totally in my plan! :D In addition to that, I do occasionally do a super small amount of Halo Top (like a cooking tbsp.). Right now I've got S'Mores, because, you know... summer. :D

This weekend is my sister's bridal shower luncheon. She picked Olive Garden to have it at. I found out that I AM able to eat their salad, nutrition-wise, as long as I only have a small amount, and since they have an option to add grilled chicken to entrees, I bet I can convince them to just charge me for a grilled chicken breast to have with my salad. If not, oh well. I'll have protein bars with me, and I just won't eat their food. :) No biggie.

I'm actually planning on taking 5 protein bars with me tomorrow. I'll have my normal early-morning protein shake, and then start pounding the water after that. I'll have a protein bar around 9am for breakfast, I'll have one in case I need one for lunch, my normal 1:30pm Protein Bar to help get me through the day, and then on the way home, I'll have one for dinner. Yup. Protein bars all day long. Oh well. At least they taste good. :D

Speaking of protein bars, I've tried all available flavors of PowerCrunch bars now with the exception of the Mocha, and the Berry, and that's because I don't like coffee (mocha), and none of my local stores carry the Berry. But, my sister said that her Walmart has them, so, I'm going to get a box this weekend. So far, Salted Caramel is literally my favorite. Chocolate Mint is a close second... probably because it tastes like a freaking Thin Mint. PB Fudge is awesome, plus helps me get my PB fix. PB Creme is meh. Vanilla Creme is good. Cookies and Cream are Ok. Red Velvet is amazing, but it's a little high in sugar (7g/bar), so, I won't do that one super often. Triple Fudge is decadent. In other words, you really can't go wrong. :D

Another post about something I tried recently and didn't really follow-up on? Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard Powder. I've tried several flavors now, and totally am going to give my opinion on them. :D So, Double Rich Chocolate is still my favorite. I even boost it most mornings with a squirt of SF Chocolate Syrup (I prefer the taste of the Great Value brand to Hershey's, but whatever floats your boat), or some Torani, or both. But honestly, you could totally do without either of those if you're watching your money. I mix my shake with 12 oz. Skim milk, which ends up being like 36g protein. Not bad at all. The other flavors I've tried? Extreme Milk Chocolate, Chocolate Dipped Banana, and Birthday Cake. Ok, so, the Extreme Milk Chocolate is not my cup of tea. I had to extremely flavor it every time I did it. It almost has a cinnamon taste to it, which is just weird. So, I won't be doing that one again. The Chocolate Dipped Banana isn't bad, but it's definitely banana flavored... not like natural banana flavor, more like Banana Laffy Taffy. Again, not really my cup of tea, but this one is doable with a squirt of SF Chocolate Syrup. Birthday Cake is awesome, but a little light on flavor. I'm going to get some SF French Vanilla Torani, or even just some vanilla extract, and see if that helps. It tastes good though, and even has little "sprinkles" in it, so, you feel like you're having a treat. My friend SWEARS by the Rocky Road flavor. I haven't seen that one in my local GNC, so, I'm going to have to order it online. They have a TON of flavors, and I've barely even scratched the surface. :D

I went and got my bloodwork done for my six-month surgery follow-up appointment last Saturday. They took SIX vials. Holy hell. But when they're running literally five pages of tests, you can't expect much less. :D

People keep asking me if I have plans for Mother's Day. Yup. Big plans. Lots and lots of Laundry. Since I'll be out of town (my sister lives in NW Ohio) tomorrow, I have to play catch-up on the laundry on Sunday. I'll at least work on some of it tonight in addition to packing the car so that I'm not so overwhelmed on Sunday. Since my daughter is a whopping two year's old, Mother's Day isn't a super big thing yet. My husband did get me two super awesome practical Mother's Day gifts though... we redid all our beds this year... new mulch, buried our downspout, tore out crappy bushes, put in boxwoods, added some lilies, transplanted my mums, double-layered our stone border... a LOT of work. All in one afternoon. And yeah, we didn't really have to take breaks... just once to eat lunch, and then I had to run out to Lowe's a second time to get a few extra things. Thank you gastric bypass. Last year when we were doing yard work? I was taking breaks like every 15 minutes. It was horrible. But, I digress. He bought me a hose reel, and a telescoping hose attachment for Mother's Day. I'm so proud of my beds that I want to take care of them, and this is the perfect way to do it. I have some pictures up on Instagram of our work. Go check it out! :)

I think that's all that I really have for now! You all have a wonderful weekend! :)

~♥~
Lady D