So, my psychological eval went really well. He cleared me for surgery with no additional recommendations. It was really long. It lasted a full 90 minutes. They had me fill out a questionnaire at first, where I had to fill in the bubbles, just like back in school. And then, when he took me back into his office, he went over most of those questions again, as well as literally every aspect of my life.
He started with my childhood, asked about who was in my household, did that through every step of my life.
As an aside, kids are assholes. One thing that the psychologist asked me about my weight was teasing. I've been heavy for a long, long time. He said that typically, with the women they speak to that are overweight, and have been overweight for most of their life, that they experienced teasing starting in elementary school, getting worse in middle school and early high school, and finally leveling out towards the end of high school and in to college. He's right. That completely explains my life with teasing about my weight. Kids are assholes. Having gone through this process, I really hope that my daughter will be more tolerant and loving when it comes to other people. I swear, if I ever hear that she teased someone like that, she and I will have one hell of a sit down... but I digress.
He asked about my parents' divorce, did I suffer any type of abuse (verbal, physical, or sexual), what are my eating habits when I'm not watching my weight or on a diet, who does the grocery shopping, what are the stresses in my life. Lots, and lots, and lots, and lots of questions.
Probably the question that made me stop and think the longest, and hardest, is why am I fat? Why did I get this way. Luckily, it's on the questionnaire they have you fill out as well, or my appointment would've taken a lot longer than that. Easy answer? I'm an emotional eater, who also eats when she's bored. I started gaining weight very early in life, and it just continued from there. I had a hard time with my parents' divorce, which made my teen years not fun, and I gained more weight. In college, it just continued. But honestly, if you're considering this journey, or you just believe you need to lose some weight, step back, and honestly ask yourself this question. What made me gain the weight? Without asking, and honestly answering this question, I really don't believe that you'll be successful in any weight loss situation that you end up in.
Which brings me to my next topic for this post. I've been watching a show called "My 600 lb. Life." Obviously, since I've been putting my stats on here, I'm not 600 lbs. But this show covers a lot of issues that anyone who is going to have the surgery will face. Support from family and friends, realizing that you need to change, making the changes, and really making this a lifestyle. Unfortunately, what I'm seeing on the show, and even with some of the people I talk to about my decision, and others who've made this decision is that it's an "easy way" out. A big stigma around weight loss surgery still is that this is a quick fix. It will fix all the weight problems that a person has. I can remember a specific time in my life, where I laid in bed, smushed my belly fat, and was just like... "Oh, if I could just cut it all off, it will all be better." Heh. About that. I hate to tell you, but this is NOT easy. Not if you're doing it for the right reasons, and not if you're doing it correctly. And by correctly, I mean that you're making this lifestyle change, and not making this a quick fix.
So let's talk. What kind of changes are really needed to be successful? Well, firstly, you'll have to have a new relationship with food. Do I still have cravings? Hell yes I do. I was driving to work this morning, thinking about how awesome it would be to stop and get a donut. Or two... or three, and some chocolate milk. But, here's the thing. I've kind of learned to get into a new headspace when it comes to food. Food is not a pleasure for me anymore. I'm not saying it doesn't taste good anymore, because, trust me, it does. But food for me is fuel now. So, I think about a donut. Will that get me through until lunch without being hungry? Will I have to snack between that and lunch in order to keep myself going? Well, let's think about what a donut consists of: sugar, flour, and fat. So, will it keep me going? No. So, if you begin to think of food as fuel, you're stepping in the right direction.
What else do you need? A good exercise routine. I'm going to be completely honest. I don't hate exercise. What I hate is the time I lose to do exercise. I feel like there are so many other things I'd rather be doing. The good news is that my little one LOVES taking walks outside. So, while later, I'm going to have to up the number of times I'm walking post-op, but I'm also going to have to up the length of the walks. Right now my walks range from 20-40 mins on the short end, and an hour on the long end. I do 3-5 walks per week. Something else I used to do a lot of and really liked, and I should get into again is yoga. I was still doing beginner positions, but still. I DID buy a small hand weights set, which I could totally incorporate into the yoga... not so much into the walking, since I'm usually pushing a stroller when I walk...
Well, diet, exercise, what else do you need to be successful? Support. One of the biggest parts of this journey is your support group. I'm extremely lucky in that my husband is literally supporting me every step of the way on this journey. It's not only him though. I have an amazing network of supporters that want to see me succeed. Everyone from other family members, to friends, to co-workers, even members of a few online support groups that I joined. I don't know one person who doesn't want me to succeed. So, if this is a journey that you're going to embark upon, you need to make sure that you'll have people around to support you on this journey.
Sorry this is such a long post. I just was thinking about all this over the weekend, and wanted to get it out.
~♥~
Lady D
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